Learning to be my Authentic Self
Tag: Depression
So....I know it's been a long time since I last posted. Unplugging myself from the blogging world. I've been busy with work. Also when I'm doing well (able to hold down a full time job) I tend to lose interest in writing and become more extroverted. It's only when I'm either depressed or in a … Continue reading Impasse/Burnout
My experience of hypomania; grandiose, overly confident, reckless, impulsive, aggressive, no shame, "life of the party", hyperactive, and lack of sleep. Combine this state with alcohol and you've got a recipe for self-destruction. I won't go into detail about what I've done over the years while combining prescription med's and alcohol but, suffice to say … Continue reading Reflecting on 2018 and life with Bipolar 2
Demons, monsters, pain, self-hatred, dysfunctional fucking family, scapegoat, black sheep, outcast, empath, too sensitive for this world, are just some of the things swirling around my head. The darkness takes over. I don't want to live and I don't want to die. I want peace. Death is the only certain way of finding peace. Life … Continue reading My Darkness
If I had to label everything that I experience it would probably be a combination of Complex PTSD, Social Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Depression, and Hypomania (which was medication induced). But I could also throw those labels away and replace it with Empath or HSP(Highly Sensitive Person) who has experienced childhood emotional neglect and bullying during … Continue reading Labels and Stigma
I have very little faith in western medicine when it comes to mental health treatment. I'm considering tapering off my med's and allowing myself to fully feel my emotions. Pills numb my sadness they don't solve anything. I have been on anti-depressants since 2003. They haven't really helped me much. These are the range of … Continue reading Anti-Depressants/Psychiatrist
Being a sensitive soul I find it really distressing being in public or having to interact with others. Usually when I do get food I avoid going anywhere public and use drive-thru a lot. I feel unsafe, psychologically unsafe, I don't want to feel the hurt of others. I carry enough of my own hurt … Continue reading Depression and Hope
The form of self harm I've used most over the years is getting tattoos. A part of me enjoys the pain. It's a way to express my inner rage. I would rather turn it in on myself than hurt others. I have 13 tattoos in total. If I had money I would most probably get … Continue reading Self Harm, Tattoos and Depression
Rage/Anger from a life of being an emotional sponge. Everything unsaid I pick up on. I can feel the vibes/energy of other people. Solitude is where I thrive. I don't have to worry about other energies/people and focus on my own experience. I don't fit into society. It's not for me. Nature is my happy … Continue reading Emotional Pain: Welcome to my world
50% of me wants to live and has hope. The other 50% wants to self-destruct and self sabotage. It's a constant battle of the mind. Depression always seems to be lurking in the background. If not depression then a sort of purgatory. Where you don't fully participate in life and basically just exist. That's where … Continue reading Apathy/Ambivalence toward life
During my teenage years I had never experienced a depressive episode that had held me back from functioning normally. I was able to successfully attend School and University and do quite well with my grades. My life wasn't easy but I didn't know any different so I was living my life. Looking back now on … Continue reading Excerpt from Teenage Years
My Journey 