Impasse/Burnout

Impasse/Burnout

So….I know it’s been a long time since I last posted. Unplugging myself from the blogging world. I’ve been busy with work. Also when I’m doing well (able to hold down a full time job) I tend to lose interest in writing and become more extroverted. It’s only when I’m either depressed or in a introspective place that I have the urge to write. That being said, that is why I type these words right now. I graduated this year with a Bachelor of Social Practice (Social Work). It was a huge achievement for me. Then I walked straight into a job dealing with Domestic Violence. It’s been 7 months in this job and I am experiencing signs of burn out. I have been in contact with my manager about my wellness and have informed her that I will probably not be returning. As an Empath it has been quite challenging to not take work home with me. I like to describe it as being an emotional sponge. I soak up all the emotion of whoever I come into contact with. Working with people who have been through trauma and abuse is obviously really hard for me. Even after I have finished for the day certain clients with heart breaking issues will enter my mind. Anyway you get the idea lol. I usually like to be straight to the point, I think it’s a Male thing lol. So my current worries at the moment is my employment status as I don’t have a job to go to and financial future which go hand in hand. I really need a break from Social Work industry and find work that is more practical and hands on. I hope those who have followed my blog in the past are all well and hello from little old New Zealand 🙂

8 thoughts on “Impasse/Burnout

  1. Hey, it is good to hear your voice my friend. And it is a sponge situation. While ever we hold our own fears in all their shapes and sizes, we will absorb those fears. It is a very natural order of things so that we will face them…understand them…and in doing so finally set ourselves free.
    When I was healing in my job as a massage therapist I would absorb from clients without them speaking a word. But when I finally saw my fear of rejection from my dad, and understood truly why I reacted to him…it set me free. I no longer absorb because I am open, the walls that block and hold them is no longer there. It just flows through, I understand these things from others are not mine, but I am totally open to giving that love and healing to them.
    And yes, I’m still human, I can still get tired if I push to much and don’t create balance within my life. Working or not our lives tend to be busy but inside is either an emotional toll collector at our wall, with costs for whatever we block or let enter, or a totally natural countryside that funnels nothing but the openness that our hearts desire.
    Our love and happiness is just inside waiting for that wall to crumble, and it will as each step we take shows us more understanding in each situation we face.
    You have been in one of those large steps, in hindsight you will see change that didn’t seem to be there before. Look back to where you began your course and compare it to now…I guarantee you are no longer that person from before but a newer, stronger, braver and most certainly loving person than ever you could have expected.
    Take a bow, love is like that. It sneaks up on you when your not looking, because you are not worrying about it and just allowing it to be 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

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    1. I can follow the second half of your message but I get a little lost with the first part. I think I get it intellectually but have not got to the stage that you have which is living the change. Well I have, just not as big a step as you have currently. A lot of that comes down to age I’m assuming and where we are in our lives. But I do appreciate where you’re coming from and appreciate the guidance. With Love, Joel 🙂

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      1. If you are referring to what we attract I’ll put it this way. I hated being treated in a certain way (the way I felt my dad treated me). Effectively it was a feeling of being rejected. So I would get into a relationship, pull out the chairs, give gifts, big hugs etc etc. To which they would finally go whoa, stop, back up your drowning me with all this stuff. And I would point the finger and say ‘how could you NOT want these things, it’s your fault’ and off I’d storm in a huff.
        I finally saw that I was projecting my fear, the very thing I did not want…I actually CREATED. And I went on to do this in all my relationships. I wanted them to love me MY WAY, with my expectations. And that is what we all do, each and every time we will attract someone who will respond to us in that same way each time.
        And just to show you how amazing this is, we will be the exact right thing to be THEIR fears as well and trigger them. When I finally understood I was stunned…at me, God and the love behind it all. I know it doesn’t look like it from the outside but wait till you see it…the tears in its beauty will leave you amazed.
        And while we are afraid to see why we are hurt by these relationships we will keep pressing the same button over and over until we’ve had enough, can’t do it anymore from the pain, anger and hurt…we finally ask ourselves why, and start to look into that place we have been afraid to all our lives. That place that brings us to tears from the pain we feel each time we are there.
        The easiest way to find it is…in all your relationships which part causes you the most inner pain. Brings you to tears because of the way you feel you are being treated. There will be a common denominator in all your relationships. It may come from a different angle in how you feel your being treated, but it will trigger the same hurt within you. Find that hurt, then take it back to your childhood, the pain of those you loved and looked up to and you will find that very same hurt with them…and then go deeper, find that ‘why’ that is hidden behind that childhood wall that you have carried into every relationship you have had. Be game to break that fear, to look into that place that has kept you bound forever…and when you are strong enough you will break its seal and finally see something that will flood you with tears, the likes of which will be beyond anything you have ever felt…because it will break your chains to this world and set you free…emotionally, physically and open something you thought you would never find. A love beyond anything you have ever touched because for the first time in your life you will love…you. Simply because that very emotional wall that blocked everything with its fear, had also blocked your love. Those life fears of ‘I’m not good enough, I can’t, what if’s’ are that wall. It has blocked you from thinking you are worth this or that. It is the toll gate where you feel you ‘must be’ a certain way, those expectations we have on ourselves let alone others…and they bind us until we understand that inner fear we have held forever.
        Now that understanding of our fear is like all else in this world, while ever you do not understand something, it worries you. As soon as you understand it no longer holds you. And you can apply this to anything. If you begin a new job and your not sure how you will go or if your up to it, on the first day you will be all nerves, unsure and hesitant. If I come back in six months you’ll be cruising, got it all down pat and not even giving it a thought. You do this with everything. Now for a fear, you haven’t got a clue what is triggering it, you just know that it causes you great pain so you avoid it, and build it up, and build it up…but there is no release of understanding. It is growing inside you. But the day that you finally realise why it will be such a let go that you will burst into tears, tears of relief.
        And this years of endurance will show you something so profound to be beyond words…you will finally understand and see that it HAD to happen this way so that you could understand love…the unconditional variety. All else we experience down here is the conditional variety, the one we tie all our fears and emotions to. We cannot understand love unless we experience hate, we cannot understand happiness unless we experience sadness. This world has all those emotions to bring us to that understanding of unconditional love. And when you finally touch it, it will free you…of everything. That understanding is so profound you will even tell yourself that every second was worth it, even those times where you are in absolute agony and pain from what you are experiencing.
        So Joel I hope that touched the bit you were not sure of 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

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      2. Yes it does thanks. I know I’ve had glimpses of that love and freedom but obviously still a lot to process to get to the level you’re talking about.

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      3. Trust me, it isn’t too far away. It just takes that courage to step into that hurt. Yes, that takes time, but it will give you clues as you step into those situations that trigger it. Just remember, it hurts but that person is mirroring you so that you can see. We just have to see past our ‘reaction’ and ask ourselves why.
        Good luck my friend, and more importantly at the moment is rest, especially emotionally. As you would know, it takes much longer to de-stress than get over a running marathon. Give yourself that balance, you deserve it 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

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  2. I haven’t been in a romantic relationship for 5 or so years. I use to rush into relationships in my past but I’ve started avoiding them. I think it’s a fear of being hurt or unwanted. Which goes back to abandonment from my Dad. This life is one hell of a journey haha.

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    1. Whoohoo my friend, your over half way there, you ‘know’ why it hurts. That is usually the hardest part. Once you see that with your dad you will see it in all that is reflected back to you in your relationships. That is it to a tee. Now go find the truth of how you feel about your dad. Yes it may seem like you can ‘see’ what it is, but underneath that is the understanding your looking for. You have been rejected by him but don’t know why. And it is there that you have carried that abandonment with you into all your relationships. You are petrified of being abandoned by any one so hold yourself aloof and/or feel your not good enough because of that. It is a type of rejection, and as a child you have gone through so many emotions like anger at what happened, self loathing because you may feel that maybe it was your fault, and other emotions that it brings to the surface. That experience can hold many coping strategies. But to find that truth we have to go into that hurt and find the way it has made us feel, find that pain because we have locked something away in that very way of being, been afraid to admit something to ourselves that is the core of the whole experience. If you do this it can be quite confronting, but it is also the way to be free of it…forever.

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